Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Life as I See It's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, July 23rd, 2005
12:37 pm	For My Nic Nicole Crescimanno Landmark Volunteers c/o Pathfinder Lodge PO Box 350 Cooperstown, NY, 13326 as requested, it's posted for everybody. please write, guys, you all know how exciting mail is ;) Current Mood: discontent Current Music: incubus (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 16th, 2005
9:44 pm	on a shitty upstate computer people always say life is full of choices no one ever mentions fear home on sunday... i love it up here. miss me a little ;) Current Mood: confused Current Music: anastasia (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 8th, 2005
4:37 pm	yum. boys. stolen from Mandy, whom i miss. Turned ON or OFF when a guy: Dresses in like abercrombie/hollister stuff: depends on the guy Dresses like a thug: off. Dresses like a surfer/ skater: depends on the guy, i'd say on. Dresses in all black: goth or cutely? if it's with a band, on. Sings: on. Plays a musical instrument: on. Is shorter than you: off. Is taller than you: on. Has straight teeth: on. Wears braces: off. Has chapped lips: off. Has green eyes: on. Has blue eyes: on. Has brown eyes: on. i like eyes. Has shaved Head: off. Wants to be a dad: on. as long as thats a futuristic goal. Drinks: depends. Smokes cigarettes: off. sorry. Smokes pot: off. although i seem to have a natural attraction to undercover drug users. Has brown hair: on. Has black hair: off. Has blonde hair: on. Has unnatural colored hair: off. Works out: on, if it's in moderation. overly muscluar, or talks about it: off. Smiles more than not: on. Lets you know what he is thinking about you: on. Has bigger feet than you: on. Has smaller feet than you: off. Wears cologne: on. Smiles when you walk into the room: on. Wears makeup: off. Has long hair: eh. depends on if he's pulling it off. Has short hair: on. Has mohawk: off. Plays sports: on. A bad boy: on. A good boy: could be on. Sweet talks to you: on. Has nice arms: on. def. Has a job: on. Has any peircings: off. a earing maybe. Has tattoos: ew gross off. Boxers: on. Tighty whiteys: off. Has a good personality: on. Has hair all over: no preference? Never pressures you: on. Calls you: on. Calls you when you hang up: on. Can talk to you on the phone: on. Is bisexual: off. Understands love: on. Falls in love quickly: off. Tells you how he feels: on. Likes to cuddle: on. Stares into your eyes: on. Is honest: on. Compliments you: on. Is on time: on Calls when he says he's going to: on. Walks over and kisses you for no reason: on. Wants to spend whatever time possible with you: off. Is able to cry: on. most def on. Gets jealous of your guy friends: off. Can't make a decision: off. Current Mood: conflicted Current Music: i think about you (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 8th, 2005
2:45 pm	we will meet again?     The space between entries gets longer every time but i always come back... that could be said of a lot of things i suppose. It's time for an update on my life, if anyone is still reading this or anyone still cares.       APs and SATs are (thank god) over, and the slacker part of the year has definately arrived. Ignore the fact that i'm behind God-knows-what in physics, Chapter 40 and SPRITE chart, and a math project-- minor details in the scheme of things.       Life's been a lot of ups and downs lately... a few misunderstandings, some weirdly misplaced competition issues (lol Ky), an overload of stress. Things have been hitting me harder lately, though i don't know if that's because i'm getting weaker or just needing more. i'm finally doing the right thing and the people who loved me the most once aren't understanding... i watched Closer a few weeks ago (with a very fun, insanely beautiful crowd), and i really think that people are that alone when they physically are anything but that. It scares me. Especially lately.       That's all for now, sorry this wasn't much. Holl, i'm thinking about you and loving you all the time and Rita, i can't wait to see you on Sunday. It's going to feel good to do something productive... much love, all of you. comment?   so this is strange our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance where nobody leads at all Current Mood: confused Current Music: you must believe in spring (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 10th, 2005
12:18 am	there are so many lives i want to share with you ((i will never be complete until i do)) well it's def time for an update, i'll skim the most important things as my To Do List is sitting menacingly at my side...   PMD struck hard this year, possibly because of other dynamics and possibly just because my heart belongs to the cast of Into the Woods... i don't know. Went to Tiff's last weekend for some hardcore fun and certainly got my money's worth.   NYSSMA is (thank you God), over. Permanetly. Forever. haha... it turned out ok, some disappointments and some meeting expectations and, while i'd give anything to go back and nail that run, i am officially done and letting it go. i'm proud of all those who deserve it for outstanding grades or bigger accomplishments, i think you know who you are. Oh, and Mike Lamb is my personal hero. ;)   It's been a long week: a lot of tests, some that came out ok and some that didn't. A few rain-mud-soccer revelations, certain people living in phase one, re-wrote some music and wanted to share those ten minutes, a few old feelings i could do without but can't seem to shake, some Fabness bonding, some white walls with new company... It's springtime and i'm getting my life back. Or at least what's left of it haha...     Last night:: eagles concert with my Nic. Cinnabons, "hey you want some?", dancing with the drunks, the who-can-be-more-random competition, Take It Easy... i needed some quality L-Nic Time and we certainly used it well.   Tonight i crashed with my favorite girls. Can i just say that i am nothing without the people who love me? please insert me being appreciative here. oh you are such a fuck, and when i say fuck, i mean bitch, and when i say bitch, i mean pusssssssssyyyyyyyy. i really just needed a night of crazy wild dance and fun, with some grease and a lot of laughs. i have the bestest friends, and i want the whole world to know it. (we did leave the pinks unsorted, btw, and yes Le it is bothering me still)   bed soon, then up early for soccer (mixed feeling) and SAT (def negative feeling) and possibly a fun night (anxious/excited feeling).   That's all for now. sorry it wasn't my best update, hopefully another one will follow. i love.   ((i don't know why people run, i don't know things fall through; i don't know how anybody survives in this life without someone like you))   Current Mood: crazy Current Music: last five years and eagles. at the same time. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 14th, 2005
3:53 pm	what do i care what they're doing out there? well it's been quite a roller coaster ride of life since my last update, which feels like a forever ago now. But the musical is officially over and that, as always, merits an entry of some sort.   so i'll briefly summarize: our little world, as we made it, was all it needed to be. Within those doors something else took place that was, well, simply magic, and i hate to think that we'll never be quite back there again. i got close with people i had never been close with before, and i got close with people i'd... taken a small break from being close with. and i missed it. all of it.   mandy and i put on the show of our lifetimes (well not of hers, probably, lol since she plans to do this again)... from laughing at a certain visitor to Evan's "and then you wake up" to spiking, to teching for a billion hours with Rob and Evan (Rob Cangemi what?!), to my technical competance ("move the leg away from the boom." "but my legs are right here...?").... it's been so incredible.   i learned more than i would have thought, i did more than i expected i could, i lived up to someone's expectations... just shows what a long way a little faith can go.   outside of that world of lights and slendor, there have been coexisting universes since my last post- psychology lessons that make me re-think my life, mistakes that i don't regret, and some i do, birthdays celebrated and birthdays... temporarily postponed, Kate going to London, boys coming in and out of the picture (maybe just the image of them that never really faded to begin with), late-night phone calls, accidental phone calls, out-of-character phone calls, girlfriends i don't want to meet, Hope's cookies, a listing book of lists, Rita and her heartbreak, unrealistic plans of Paris, train station fights and what comes after, Feb. Break- the real theme day, needing a job, Boulder nights, shopping for black pants, innocent people taking the blame, learning to hate authority (not that i needed a lesson), the last five years sheet music, learning to love, the Vagina monolouges... the world moved over us and past us in that darkened auditorium, but none the less it did keep moving.   and so i'm off on the next chapter: Spring-- a time for new beginnings, if i remember correctly, and old memories and muscle cramps that never quite dissolved. i'm excited, i guess, and a little bit unsure... but here we go again. Post Musical Depression and Sunshine... sleepovers and APs.   goals of the new year (i consider every few months a new year, i make a lot of mistakes):     - spend more time with the musical boys after the show     - catch up on correspondence (i wish i could spell that word so # 12 could be filled in)     - get a job     - learn how to tell people i love them     let the moment go, don't forget it for a moment though. Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: Into the Woods (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
10:40 pm	quick update: a) district was really fun b) saw someone i've been internally stalking c) jessica is really cool d) musical was fun today e) amanda and i are cracked out f) r.j. looking for victoria g) tengo un novio, if ANYONE hasn't heard lol h) amazing day. all that needs to be said. i) this is really out of order j) the district bus was too crowded k) rita made me feel/be really cool l) mess is my hero. m) the regents/midterms are majorly stressing me out n) my tutoring kid did well on her midterm ;) o) i broke my million days of writer's block last night p) i miss tim a lot recently q) mom is going to win her bet and i will be shocked r) i own a very pretty dress s) kate is back and i miss her t) i'm done being grettle, and nic was the best bailiff ever u) i'm excited for the nic and l day, also v) i just had the best cinnamon thing ever w) i can't wait for next friday which is pathetic x) no i love, tonight. i'm done with that for a while. y) that's all. z) goodnight.   i don't know how to be silent, and still be heard. Current Mood: excited Current Music: idena menzel (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 3rd, 2005
4:50 pm	backbeat the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out i'm sure you've heard it all before it seems to me that an update is in order. i've been avoiding it, but it's a new year and you can't avoid things forever. or so i'm told. so Rita and all you other complainers, here's the best i can do: i know the Sweet 16 and such is missing, but some things are just too amazing to be put into words. so we start a little more recently... My christmas vacation was a much needed break. Kicked it off with Polar Express (where Kristen was once again weirdly in the same place as me lol), then the holidays. Went to a shelter with mom and for the first time since i started doing this like 6 years ago realized that these girls are just like me with children of their own. weird. Kate's birthday, a lot of movies, a day that goes on the top ten list with Krista, Matt and Ed in NYC and then doing Soc/making dinner, New Years party hopping and a birthday at Applebee's, a morning in the Met with Rita who remembered my favorite painting, Moulin Rouge Day with Erica, uh... rehearsals in my room?, Finding Neverland which makes me want to cry and fuck Johnny Depp and laugh my ass off at my hysterical sister, sunday morning hang-outs at 10:30 haha... what a week.     Back at school now, a little worried about Ivy and missing my freedom. Homework, Tests, Music that nobody wants to learn. Yay. and all the roles we have to walk are winding. Ms. Engel is getting married the weekend of NYSSMA if anybody wants to crash with me, i had a funny dream about prom, and If I Am is the song of the day since Er got it in my head doing tao-bo. Primetime tonight although i have dance, a run soon, dinner in a few. Trailmix in chorus today. Musical starts Wednesday, and i'm excited for it i think, been thinking weirdly about someone random who i shouldn't miss, and i'm going back to stalking someone who hasn't called. i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now. Ok, that's it. for now. (( a little Cornelius Eady for the road, from "I'm A Fool To Love You" )) This is the way the blues works Its sorry wonders, Makes trouble look like A feather bed, Makes the wrong man's kisses A healing. Current Mood: restless Current Music: wonderwall (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 28th, 2004
8:58 pm	i shouldn't be missing you just now? well i've been afraid of changing cause i've built my life on you but time's getting colder children get older i'm getting older too... a real update to follow, i promise. there is a lot to say. Current Mood: crazy Current Music: can't buy me love (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 21st, 2004
1:27 pm	update needed... last soccer game of the season this morning- the fan club came out for the event, of course. Mixed feelings, mainly i wish it had been a better last game but the field was too muddy and i played too much defense to be really satisfied. Nonetheless, soccer makes me happy. note my definite tone. speaking of soccer, i'm switching departments next fall. i'm still hesitating but i don't care how little people think i'll get played, it cannot possibly be worse than the way certain people treat me. cough cough cough i miss pallotta cough. oh i almost choked there. seriously disappointed, in myself though erica maintains i have nothing to feel stupid about. whatever, it's over. life goes on, music plays. with or without you. getting reallllly excited for this weekend... lot's of people i love are making major efforts to be here and that means a lot. i'm nervous for the candles (maybe i'd feel better if i wrote them) but they'll get done and i hope that last change wasn't a mistake. you can't help who you love. Also, i'm worried people are going to think that the things i have to say are naive or fake or one of those teenage-i-think-i-know-what-love is things because i've never learned to love that fakely and i have no desire to know. i hope everyone else knows that. ed and katie had an amazing show... i was so proud of both of them, and also might i add, it was hysterical. i'm still laughing. musical auditions are looming in the not-so-distant future and i get sick just thinking about it. i'm trying, and getting there, really, but i can only take so much. hands down is the most amazing song ever. i miss the people at rutgers. i still have kyle's note in my chorus binder. speaking of, i should learn the words to piu non blah blah i don't even know the damn title. maybe i'll sing with Dad in a few. or do the physics. nah./ the secret window scared the fuck out of me. fortunately i had really safe arms to fall asleep. i get really lucky sometimes. i don't know what i'm doing, but i'm learning to do it with my heart and that's all i could ask for, i guess. "and I'll remember the black tunnel we came through and how we came up for air there was a huge rush of sunlight and how you smiled and then the music and then it's enough with your legs and my legs mixed up and the quilt with pieces from so many places I can't remember." Current Mood: drained Current Music: hands down (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 11th, 2004
9:23 pm	we're captive on the carousel of time Super6Kistler: after 2 years, the dramatic return of birthdays! Birthday season 2004 has officially begun, i'm sixteen, and people love me. i thought that was enough to merit an update. Tuesday morning: my straightener did not work, my skirt looked gross, and i did not want to grow up. Got into school, ready for a day i knew i wasn't ready for, to find a rose and note in my locker. Deep breath, big grin, first step to being ready. Second step, Nic's amazing brownies. Good day, bad jazz rehearsal, ended early, stole something that i'll give back... you know you love it babe, dinner with mom and dad. Amazing gifts. Amazingly emotional gifts. good food. good times. then home for the next highlight of the day. Trivia night was fun, informative (lmao), amazing. My best friends are the coolest, even when they are scared of fish or need to lace their sneakers up a certain way. Btw, i won. ::gloats to erica:: CJ and Mas went to Adam's, and the three of them walked over to crash the party and make fun of us even though they loved trivia night as much as we did. and i love them all. Wednesday: 12 am, Kate called to be the very first to wish me a happy birthday. Got cards for someone important, someone unexpected, someone i miss, and my sister who is all of the above. At a more decent hour of the morning, Ed stopped by ("stopped" lol) to wish me a happy birthday/tell me that he loves me, tangibly this time. It's beautiful, more than beautiful, and the inside is even better. No, what's even better is the look in his eyes when i put it on. Then traditional dinner at noon b/c of the schedule. parent teacher conferences-apparently i should be a music major but scott should feel free to steal my solos?, collected dues, caught up with Jen, had some fun, saw Mess in an adorable suit. Home, half a salad/chicken roll later i went to dance. Good class, he was easy on us but it felt good to dance. Not surprisingly. Home, Ed Er Nic Mom and cake. What a combination. Fell asleep in somebody's arms, the perfect end to an amazing birthday. Woke up the same way i fell asleep weirdly enough, wanted cake for breakfast but did hw instead. Physics (or not) at Nicoles, dinner with mom and Er which was fun, home to not do the ap dbq. if anyone is interested, we are going to see how many days we can celebrate my bday till the party. time for some homework, if you called-left messages- whatever, yesterday. it meant a lot. every one of them. i am loved. Current Mood: content Current Music: nothing is fitting (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 1st, 2004
4:39 pm	for mrs. greenwood, and a little faith ((found this somewhere... fitting. comment if it fits you too.))   To begin a love poem it's always the same a time, a place sunrises, stars, walks, things that will never be Just Ours.   second stanza, not a road less traveled acceleration builds; our heartbeats follow suit beating out each other in a race for words that do not fit this moment fingers seduced into other fingers, stomachs, thighs smells blend with taste- touch becomes undefinable. climax, heavy breath, hand on hand Contact   and then, the end i would have liked to call it kiss interrupts kiss; time interrupts music and we are but a broken harmony a dissident chord that's not a final tone   and is the last line of this half-hearted finale the kiss goodbye the absense of life in your eyes the sunset, no time or place what we've said before or what we'll never say just after. Current Mood: defying Current Music: dressed to kill (4 Comments |Comment on this)
3:53 pm	i feel so far from where i've been Interesting weekend, to say the least. Fun friday night, good time at the mall Saturday with my pick-me-up underwear, pretzel, best friends, and death girl spotting... Saturday night... Le's party. Fun people, small disasters. Someone kind of scared me, felt like growing up... oh and i broke someone's heart and spent it wishing i was with someone else which was weird. and that sentence can reverse the pronouns... what do you call that? it's not even like race car. lol. Sunday... lost a game (damn Will haha), and felt really... off my game. which is expected, i guess, since there isn't supposed to be a game to be off of. Take not give, that's your philosophy. i'll bite. Sunday night, dinner, disaster, phil's with some of the coolest people i know. Then fixing disaster 1 and 2 of the day, with a few panic attacks and safe arms to have them in. i'm just having some fun... small freak-out today. i don't know why i care what other people think so much. i have nothing to hide. then physics: Lena: you look thoughtful, L... what you thinking bout? Me: pathetically. basketball season. Lena: omg i am so in love with you Me: be careful, it's a dangerous business next weekend, Kateness. i'm psyched, and in major need. krista called me, i need to call her back. i love her. ALSO. mrs. greenwood called. talk about feeling cool. talk about being cool. i need to call connie. what an agenda. i give up on making sense. i'm just going with it... fuck love. Current Mood: curious Current Music: jewel haha (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 30th, 2004
11:21 am	and don't you know my heart's been broken Nic posted: time goes to fast and im not ready... sometimes people just get it. more confused than before, i think, but ready for a day off of life with the girls (mall pretzels, dress shopping) and then a partay tonight. As le said, i'm the best friend and i get to have fun. unwind my mind later <3 me. real post to follow... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004
5:48 pm	once upon a time i was falling in love now i'm only falling apart   in fond memory of the AP outlines that never came this weekend...   I. The Fall of Friday     1. the highlights         a) Physics lab where Le and i were funny         b) Mike's soccer game... FPM kicked ass, Mike scored, and he's amazing         c) the adorable little boy at the game that i wanted to take home     2. the turning points         a) Gram. enough said, it's all ok now...         b) 7:30. or maybe 7:15 if we count anticipating the fall as miserable which it was. i'll keep it simple because, as i told phil, a LJ isn't the place where you post the world... basically i'm fucking up what i always said i wanted, and for all my internal conflicts i think i just set a new record of confusion. broken hearts are part of life, as you used to say.      3. when you want it the most, there's no easy out- when you're ready to go, and your heart's left in doubt...   II. The Realization     1. Kerry's party            a) good party, bad mind set.         b) Thing one and Thing two was the cutest idea         c) my hair was blue. ugh.         d) the bathroom, losing another part of myself that i kinda needed, the phone call (irrational ANYBODY???) and then the non-breathing-induced panic that followed     2. and the end of my youth was the possible truth that it all happens randomly     3. Calming Down         a) mom has joined the team. Please welcome our ever-amazing goalie         b) soccer is the highlight of my life and i could kick that ball forever         c) falling asleep in someone else's arms. sometimes people are just trying to be what you need. sometimes you just have to let them.   III. Nobody Has Best Friends Like i Do     1. Friday night         a) crying in Shall We Dance         b) wanting a guy who can dance like Richard Gere. yes, i think i just said i wanted Richard Gere. my life should be over with that comment.         c) LOTS OF FOOD. nothing makes you feel better like more love than you meant to eat (lol kate i follow the new rules)     2. Sunday Afternoon         a) some people just get it. some don't. i guess i'm lucky... Lena and Erica, i really needed that one. more than maybe even you realized.     3. Gym on Monday         a) Nic and Er, i apologize for my much called for irrationality. ::insert breakdown here::   IV. Hofstra     1. i had a hot date ;) haha who got to watch me freak out about hot chocolate on my uniform. wait till you see a real breakdown, babe... that was nothing.     2. My whole fan club came         a) and screamed         b) and made signs         c) and loved me         d) and made me feel really really important which was a nice change of pace for the week     3. Kate came home to watch me make a fool of myself in a plume (see above for details)         a) we had a nice catching up after     4. my band makes me so fucking proud on very rare occassions     5. Christina and Tracy... it's been amazing. from the first day of camp to now, i don't regret even the crappy parts and there isn't anybody i would have rather shared them with than you. i'm so proud of you both.     6. they announced my name at hofstra. in front of everyone. because i am the junior drum majorette. and i can honestly tell you that the glow wasn't just external...   V. The Lighter Side ((for those of you that catch the reference... talk about old school novel lmao))     1. Me: At first i thought it was because everyone had the same problems as me.         Lena: No. There would be mass suicide if everyone had the same problems as you."     2. Tiff: We had to run the mile and I had on a regular bra and I thought my boobs would go right through my face.     3. Frankie: I'm coming to the party, so it looks like this your last chance for plan B: tell people you moved to a different place because they are unexpectedly coming. I got a pity invitation and the pity it- I'm coming!!     4. Choir today. Erica and i. laughing. terribly hard. at someone.     5. ((so i've been told via kate)) Ed: we lost her!         Kate: maybe she turned sideways?     6. Erica: It's like the forbidden fruit.         Me: Yea. Now that he's forbidden... Yum-- fruit!   that's it, lata kidz... comment on my life. i love. too hard. every now and then i get a little bit terrified but then i see the look in your eyes every now and then i fall apart... Current Mood: confused Current Music: find me the book of love please (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 17th, 2004
3:01 pm	i’m walking a tightrope between amazing and miserable, all at my own accord. i’ve always wanted to be in the circus... it was a disappointing week, to say the least, and i’m still holding back some with myself because i’m not quite ready to face what i am. or really, what i’m not. In some ways there are situations i didn’t want to be in the middle of anyway, and i’m sorry for crying/yelling at you lately. (i think those people most def know who they are haha)... Thursday was another let down, but a funnier one, and the cute boy in the cafeteria at least made me smile. god i felt like an asshole. Saturday morning was a DISASTER.. PSATS can bite me. It’s my own fault though, and i’m already wondering what i’m doing wrong. excellent start to a terrible plan. ::tone change:: the rest of saturday was amazing... Homecoming parade to kick it off. Lena and i hustled into costume and ran outside to not miss it... Tink was by far the most fun person i’ve ever had to be, except maybe Marion and that feels like a forever ago anyway. Our board had so much spirit and the kids were so adorable... it was just one of those feel good moments where you could cry but you might not. i’m pretty sure that’s living, the real thing. It’s been a while. Also, my grandma is really cute. Then, the game... Seahawks kicked ass, Lauren Kenny made me happy, and Kristen Brennan looks fantastic. Someone wasn’t there, but i guess i didn’t expect it and i wasn’t phased, surprisingly. Also Phil was missing in action, does that mean you actually dropped band? Then home, took off that damn green leotard, went for a chicken roll with Mom, Ed, Kate and Erica, and then Er and i had an amazing night just catching up on life. And don’t think i didn’t think about it later, babe. it’s not that it’s not enough, it’s that i know there is something more. i can feel it, i just can’t reach it. soccer today was the highlight, as always, of my life. The other team was brutal (cough cough numbers four and five)... they were huge and tough but might i point out that a lot of running and smashing into people later, we won. 2-0. nice goal, Ky. Then out to breakfast with Kate and Mom who watched the whole game (my fan club haha), and home for some math hw which turned into some writing which turned into a walk to the football field to teach myself how to dribble. Not entirely successful, but most definitely stress relieving. now i’m off to study AP, think about life, and blast track three of my Disney cd because it’s amazing. also, i found a song for the London candle possibly. Possibly not. i’m working on creativity. my dad and dom ricioppi are my heroes. < [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<who’s>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] i’m walking a tightrope between amazing and miserable, all at my own accord. i’ve always wanted to be in the circus... it was a disappointing week, to say the least, and i’m still holding back some with myself because i’m not quite ready to face what i am. or really, what i’m not. In some ways there are situations i didn’t want to be in the middle of anyway, and i’m sorry for crying/yelling at you lately. (i think those people most def know who they are haha)... Thursday was another let down, but a funnier one, and the cute boy in the cafeteria at least made me smile. god i felt like an asshole. Saturday morning was a DISASTER.. PSATS can bite me. It’s my own fault though, and i’m already wondering what i’m doing wrong. excellent start to a terrible plan. ::tone change:: the rest of saturday was amazing... Homecoming parade to kick it off. Lena and i hustled into costume and ran outside to not miss it... Tink was by far the most fun person i’ve ever had to be, except maybe Marion and that feels like a forever ago anyway. Our board had so much spirit and the kids were so adorable... it was just one of those feel good moments where you could cry but you might not. i’m pretty sure that’s living, the real thing. It’s been a while. Also, my grandma is really cute. Then, the game... Seahawks kicked ass, Lauren Kenny made me happy, and Kristen Brennan looks fantastic. Someone wasn’t there, but i guess i didn’t expect it and i wasn’t phased, surprisingly. Also Phil was missing in action, does that mean you actually dropped band? Then home, took off that damn green leotard, went for a chicken roll with Mom, Ed, Kate and Erica, and then Er and i had an amazing night just catching up on life. And don’t think i didn’t think about it later, babe. it’s not that it’s not enough, it’s that i know there is something more. i can feel it, i just can’t reach it. soccer today was the highlight, as always, of my life. The other team was brutal (cough cough numbers four and five)... they were huge and tough but might i point out that a lot of running and smashing into people later, we won. 2-0. nice goal, Ky. Then out to breakfast with Kate and Mom who watched the whole game (my fan club haha), and home for some math hw which turned into some writing which turned into a walk to the football field to teach myself how to dribble. Not entirely successful, but most definitely stress relieving. now i’m off to study AP, think about life, and blast track three of my Disney cd because it’s amazing. also, i found a song for the London candle possibly. Possibly not. i’m working on creativity. my dad and dom ricioppi are my heroes. <<who’s yours?>> .... we’ll be alright if you don’t ask me to stay. Current Mood: athletic Current Music: follow me (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
10:28 pm	and when you find your heart, you'd better run with it cuz when she comes along, she could be breaking it... updated needed: brief review of life - my new shoes are making me so so happy - the music department is not - 10 Things I Hate About You has def grown on me - the class of 2006 has taken over my life. (please see Homecoming) - Homecoming: the dilemma. tink or fucking asshole (oh i mean jr. drum majorette)?? ::conflict:: - PSAT. sucks. math today. made me feel smart. even though Saturday won't haha... - working for Evan rocks my world - i can't WAIT for musical season - drama blows. good thing, since tomorrow i.. uh... won't be upset at all. just kidding. - speaking of feeling inferior, ms. p can bite me and i def didn't let her get to me today. again, just kidding. - while we're on the subject, i don't know how much longer i can go on like this. or how long they will let me. after all my plans and anxiety, i'm sorry to see such a good thing go. - nicole makes me laugh. always. and her hair looked pretty today. - the presidential debates are depressing - last night was the best dance class ever (ok well non-dance class ever) and i was so totally black. nic, i missed you. - a certain someone is making me feel worse than before. we're gonna have to have it out soon, because no matter how much i love you, none of us deserves this. - i just broke a cork off my sax. way to go, shithead. - Dad's gluing it. ::superdad:: - clearly, i'm too tired to be allowed to talk - it's 10:34 and my hw is mostly done - i had the best chicken salad today, ever. once again. my dad is too cool. ps, it's his birthday saturday if anyone wants extra Stein Family points. - i'm kinda scared of what's coming. and kinda looking forward to it. and kinda thinking i'm wrong about some things. - i missed Tiff and seeing her today was def a highlight - Kate comes home Thursday. ::excitement:: - OH i forgot to mention (that's how you know i don't update often enough) i scored my very first soccer goal ever. don't laugh, it's only my third game. i know that's totally not a big deal but the feeling in my stomach was something familiar, something that hasn't been here since... well... let's just say maybe i need a new thing. this could be it. - all this class board stuff makes me want to go to disney world. anthony's plan sounded pretty damn good to me - this list is very long and pointless. - if you got this far, i'm impressed. - today for the first time in.. wow... a long time, i missed someone. i almost forgot all the crap that makes me not miss him. - mom and i ate dinner with a weirdo the other night. too funny for words. - math today. two words, eri. Cubic Functions. ::dies:: - i'm on the verge of changing my profile. - this update is over... more to come. hopefully a better weekend than the last one... come to homecoming and watch me conduct nothing since my band (thanks for someone who isn't mr pallotta) blows i love. < [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<girls [...] don't>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] cuz when she comes along, she could be breaking it... updated needed: brief review of life - my new shoes are making me so so happy - the music department is not - 10 Things I Hate About You has def grown on me - the class of 2006 has taken over my life. (please see Homecoming) - Homecoming: the dilemma. tink or fucking asshole (oh i mean jr. drum majorette)?? ::conflict:: - PSAT. sucks. math today. made me feel smart. even though Saturday won't haha... - working for Evan rocks my world - i can't WAIT for musical season - drama blows. good thing, since tomorrow i.. uh... won't be upset at all. just kidding. - speaking of feeling inferior, ms. p can bite me and i def didn't let her get to me today. again, just kidding. - while we're on the subject, i don't know how much longer i can go on like this. or how long they will let me. after all my plans and anxiety, i'm sorry to see such a good thing go. - nicole makes me laugh. always. and her hair looked pretty today. - the presidential debates are depressing - last night was the best dance class ever (ok well non-dance class ever) and i was so totally black. nic, i missed you. - a certain someone is making me feel worse than before. we're gonna have to have it out soon, because no matter how much i love you, none of us deserves this. - i just broke a cork off my sax. way to go, shithead. - Dad's gluing it. ::superdad:: - clearly, i'm too tired to be allowed to talk - it's 10:34 and my hw is mostly done - i had the best chicken salad today, ever. once again. my dad is too cool. ps, it's his birthday saturday if anyone wants extra Stein Family points. - i'm kinda scared of what's coming. and kinda looking forward to it. and kinda thinking i'm wrong about some things. - i missed Tiff and seeing her today was def a highlight - Kate comes home Thursday. ::excitement:: - OH i forgot to mention (that's how you know i don't update often enough) i scored my very first soccer goal ever. don't laugh, it's only my third game. i know that's totally not a big deal but the feeling in my stomach was something familiar, something that hasn't been here since... well... let's just say maybe i need a new thing. this could be it. - all this class board stuff makes me want to go to disney world. anthony's plan sounded pretty damn good to me - this list is very long and pointless. - if you got this far, i'm impressed. - today for the first time in.. wow... a long time, i missed someone. i almost forgot all the crap that makes me not miss him. - mom and i ate dinner with a weirdo the other night. too funny for words. - math today. two words, eri. Cubic Functions. ::dies:: - i'm on the verge of changing my profile. - this update is over... more to come. hopefully a better weekend than the last one... come to homecoming and watch me conduct nothing since my band (thanks for someone who isn't mr pallotta) blows i love. <<Girls don't be bashful, girls back it up>> sry, just getting down with my bad self. ((i should be illegal)) Current Mood: confused Current Music: track 8 of a random kate mix (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 30th, 2004
8:48 pm	this is unexpected, what do i do now? i've been very hopeful so far; now for the first time i think we're going wrong hurry up and tell me this is just a dream or could we start again please?   i know it's been a while... i was waiting for some good news, but Eri (and i hear marn as well) have complained, so here goes life. ups and downs- i'm actually writing this in PSAT death (i mean class) where my teacher reminds me so much of Dave VanScott it's not funny. Speaking of, Patty never called back. She broke her promise, i broke mine, and so it goes. Also thanks for making me feel a little less... inadequate... i needed it, darling. Stupid as i felt. Katie Farley is amazing and i'm so freaking proud of her. Physics is the downfall of my day and ironically, deathgirl is usually the highlight. Nic, Crim Just muffins and orgasims and career changes are a close second. BTW, orgasims and muffins- def on the in list. i'm getting pretty sick of my routine. that possibly explains the newfound passion for... soccer? and two random dance classes as well. If you haven't talked to me in a while, i'm not sure if you're more surprised to hear that i'm playing soccer or that i'm dancing again. No. not again. Just dancing. Just looking for something i lost to someone once. Anyway, the point... i'm sick of the HFC music department and all it's politics. i just want to make music. Apparently, that's too much to ask... i'm sitting on the fence of being done with it all, but it hurts, as does the end of every good thing. Which could lead me somewhere i don't want to go tonight. i want to start over, in so many ways. And then, in some, i'm back where i began. Or i want to be. There's too much holding me back to be there, and too much i'm holding on to for me to stay here. i'm losing something i've only just found, and now's my only chance to decide what i want to hang on to... i'm afraid i'm doing everything all wrong. don't let me go. and i can't help but look behind me to see what's coming up ahead. Current Mood: blah Current Music: could we start again please (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
4:27 pm	i know that better things are on their way ::rocking out and having fun, living like you've just begun:: ok. it's been a while, and i have just one brief moment so i'll try to summarize/highlight as needed. - Bryn Mawr with Kate and Philly with Meags was amazing... i needed it to be just what it was and there aren't many times i get to say that - spoke to kristen gunning and tom (and lena haha), sorry i missed out at phil's though - someone is not stalking me and they promised to. i think i'm almost stalking them. - i made a new friend yesterday and now spanish is ALMOST not the worst thing that ever happened to me... yey fun boys - speaking of Spanish, i hope my writing today kicked ass because sadly i studied and i felt prepared. new feeling for that language. - physics blows. two periods of physics just blows longer. - it's beautiful out and i ran home from school today, con mi ropa de deportes - football game on Thursday... be there if you like plumes and clashing pitches - Club Fair- saw Mess, saw Tiff. life was complete. - talked to patty, and she's giving me till this weekend to do what i promised. i'm already feeling pressured for time. or denial. both? - mixed feelings about my schedule for the year... i think i lost myself somewhere and i'm trying to figure out what was ever really there at all. so i'm looking somewhere new, because the only thing i want i can't have and i'm learning to want again. or people are teaching me to want again. So maybe getting down with my bad self on monday nights (lol nic) isn't so bad. No really though, i'm starting from scratch. ::clean slate:: let's see what beautifully tragic pictures i can paint. - flower party. MY HOUSE: 7-8 tonight. if you love cookies and me, please come. - dad bought a new car. i hope ed gets one eventually. i never plan to be home again once Nic and Ed are both driving haha - up and down weekend including an amazing sunday afternoon. even the ups themselves were partially down haha... trying to keep a handle on the plethora of issues with a small bit of help from someone who loves me even from around the world. or too far for hugs, anyway. - my muscles are cramping so this must get shorter - i brought back out the car cds. i'm loving them all over again. - i spoke to carlo and i miss him - "and then he'll smile... his eyes light up and how can i forget... that i'm a part of that, i'm a part of that." - certain issues are resurfacing mildly and i'm coating thick layers of defense over them. sorry if i'm distant. - Frankie comes home soon and i miss him a shitload. call me, babe. - ok that's all for now. i love. muchly. if in like a week or two i just fall off the face of the planet, i probably wayyy overbooked my life. that's already happening haha... i can't wait for the weekend already. ps- happy two year anniversary. my longest relationship. and i thought i was afraid of commitment. ::sigh:: pps- "i've traveled so far and all i've done is come back home." ((i heart)) ghandi. Current Mood: flirty Current Music: dar williams (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 9th, 2004
3:41 pm	what makes you smile funniest day in a while. here's the highlights: 1) Erica and i playing the married couple in English this morning. "Close that damn window." "No. you got your way yesterday." "i'm sticky." "I'm hot." -- ten minutes later, my papers blow off my desk and i turn around -- "Don't even fucking think about it." 2) Man's note signed <3 Man, Mannie, Marn, Marnie, Yarn, Yarnie and the gang 3) Ms. Liegey: "What is it telling you?" Eric: ((high pitched voice)) MOVE ME! 4) Mr. Frino, on John Rolfe: "It turns out he overdosed on arrows. You're only supposed to have zero a day, he got three. Bad for your health." 5) Top Ten Reasons You Know You're Turning Into V.G. Chiz... almost as funny as my MB one lol 6) Fil grabbing my boob. enough said. 7) Crim Just- learning laws. i've broken one and only one on that list, and that would be sunday night. LoL nic... also, real life laws: a) in Kansas, it's illegal to serve cherry pie with ice cream b) in Atlanta Georgia, it's illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole. 8) Physics: a) Man's note: Mr. Nova in a striped shirt... how slimming b)stealing Ky's water bottle, putting a note to Mas in it (asking him to stick the paper in lena's ear), and kicking it across the room c) "Scientists don't get formulas for Christmas." d) Dee: "No, I'm not 200 pounds. I'm 158." Mr. Canova: "Unless you've got 42 pounds of ego?" e) Eri: He looks like a waif Me: Too skinny Lena: NO! he's so hot. Totally bangable. Me: i couldn't even find him to bang him! Eri: He's too small to bang INTO! comment with what made you laugh today... PS- i know have mail, a planner, and the most amazing sister ever. Current Mood: high Current Music: walk like an egyptian (8 Comments |Comment on this)